i’m actually offended that my teachers say they can’t wait until the year below graduate, without a word about my senior year. i’m the first year to graduate from my school, under the IB programme, and to anyone who doesn’t know what that is, I think it’s a great programme, but not unless you have a school fully equipped for such a task. when we don’t even have teachers certified for normal school requirements, we’re taking on this IB diploma with it’s heavy work loads and expectations with teachers who can’t even keep up.

and then for them to say they can’t wait for the year below to graduate, they clearly don’t care about the first year; literally, throughout the last two years of my education, we’ve been referred to as the guinea pigs testing everything first, and in truth even if we didn’t ‘work hard enough’ or were too ‘lazy’ as they say, we’ve had to put in a lot of effort to deal with everything. Even yesterday, in my final year, did I have to sit through a double lesson of chemistry doing a lab that we found we did not have the programmes for or the software; tell me how I am to get my work done as these teachers want when my school won’t 1. provide the things I need to do so, (especially with highly technical labs that require special equipment) and 2. plan the lessons, and test risk assessment, I’m sorry, but learning something like risk assessment is highly more beneficial to me than to know the pressure differences in a syringe. Honestly.

We keep getting told that the year below is told that we’re lazy students, and even if there is a thread of truth in that, I’ve spent my whole 12 years at school doing the right thing; always studying for a test, never once had a detention (again, that’s 12 years), always putting my homework in, treating my teachers with respect (which, personally, i feel some do not deserve, on year of adulthood, i’m a better judge of character than i used to be, and as people, they act as kids). In my first two weeks of IB i had my subjects switched (i was told to choose subjects I wanted to take, but no because of timetable problems, I couldn’t and so I was fine with that; I understand that with a year of about 20 people, something’s got to give, but then when I went to the class I did not want to be in, (and still hate) I get told straight up by the teacher that he doesn’t want me (and the other students with my condition) in the class, to which point i stood up and told him I didn’t want to be in his class, but I was treating him with respect by being here doing what a dutiful student has done, and respecting him, and that I wanted that in return.

It annoys me that with 12 years of doing what I’m told, I don’t even earn the respect of my teachers. I’m tired of school, not because of the usual reasons, but because I want to get on with my life, and I don’t feel like I’m benefiting when the people who are teaching me don’t even care what happens to us; we even had a teacher who said, when their lab went wrong, “oh ok, i know what to fix for the year 11′s.” Wow, thanks so much for caring about what happens to us.

I just wish someone would cut some slack for the people who had to deal with 1. being normal year 12 students, 2. doing IB in a school ill equipped for it, and then 3. have to do the expected AND deal with the problems.

i read over everything i write, just so i can see if i can relate back to my thoughts. i look at them in different lights; day, night, tired, energetic, happy, sad… through different emotions and times of day, and which every proves to please me most consistently is often my favourite.

All of the people you used to hate, they are now your only allies, and yet I’ve grown up and am with the most beautiful people I’ve ever met. You’re truly nothing.

an instance of knowledge for ones true self

just, rather more like

gained more knowledge about thy than thought previous

though to temptation nor draw perhaps,

is seem with thine naked sight

it is true

that a true admiration is awarded to those

of scientific and of medicinal; particularly

physics, language arts, philosophy, chemistry, maths, quantums, art

by myself

i’ve formed a true appreciation

of such, and still

thought i cannot fathom their minds

would wish to be considered one day

in the spectrum of the brave

whom have wandered, as so to speak

into the darkness of question

inquiry burning still through the foreminds of our

candidates, our ambassadors and indecisives

and yet i wonder what i would utilize it as

and as such

would i waste thee?

so tired

Feeling the fatigue fit in

Every slight and small

It becomes drawing to breathe and

Rather too tired to sleep

All to forget

Would be the easiest;

Or slightly

Just to solve the following

Just disperse among the distance

Either deal with later

Or not at all

I’d rather

Much rather

So heavy on my back

So slight in my arms

To not lift; to not pull

Ah, the greatest of chances

Econo senses tightening

Not unlike the superficial

Stretch imposed to those of a different nature

Of a nature, that which makes of kind

And finally

Strenuous to the head.

not quite below nor in between,

i beteem this pain to fall

unsure of its severity, or simply the length of lack thereof

maybe wrong, and in fact not pain

rather the conscious thought that I may have

would have done better by you

but I disagree, I wouldn’t yield the knowledge I’ve, as of late recieved

however, it would be convenient to me if you let it go

rather than holding on

relinquish your grasp of it

for I cannot trust while you separate

those in my surroundings to become my boundaries

I’ve been proud of who

I claim in all reality to be, and will stand fast to my thoughts and heart

yet, I feel if maybe something had gone different

And i had not been skeptical, I would have no regrets

and yet, I would not take it back.

For the ugliness of those I do not appreciate

has been unveiled and I see you in green;

both jealousy and your prime state

You are of no value to me, and

let leave of the few months of what comes

And I will never have to see you again.

wish celebrities would wear more clothes

taylor momsen, you look like an idiot.

and hey, fame monster…

yes, that was a dress made from meat.